


Than The Days Will Ever Know

by sagelabyrinth



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Family, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagelabyrinth/pseuds/sagelabyrinth
Summary: When Justin's father enters his life, things take complicated turns.





	1. Now Is Time.

Justin's first word was 'Dad', which was ironic because he never knew his. Amber Foley sat her 2-year-old son in front of the television, she just needed a second to herself. Justin sat on the sofa, trying not to pay attention to the terrible odor coming from his mom's room, and the smoke that followed it. An episode of Full House had just come on, one of Justin's favorite shows. He liked how all the adults came together to help out with the kids. Throughout the episode, Justin heard the kids calling the taller man with a big nose, 'dad', so he repeated them.  
Baby Justin started calling every man he and his mother saw 'dad', which in return caused scolding from Amber, "That's not your dad!"

Over the years, Justin's curiosity about who his dad was persisted. He'd constantly ask his mom if any number of her new boyfriends were his dad, which would always result in Amber getting mad at her young son.  
For a while, Justin thought it was normal to not have a dad. It wasn't until 1st grade he realized it wasn't normal. On the first day of school, his teacher asked the children what their parents do for a job. As the teacher went down the line, Justin heard all the kids shouting out things like,

"My mom's a vet!" Or "My dad's a firefighter!"

Justin felt nervousness building up in his stomach as the teacher got closer to him.

"Justin? What about you?" The older lady asked.

"Uhm, I don't know." he answered, hanging his head low.

"You don't know what your mom does?" She asked again, Justin shook his head. "How about your dad?"

Justin felt his stomach drop, he felt a welt building in his throat. He shook his head, "I don't have a dad." He said sullenly.

The teacher took a step back, "Oh, I see." She said with a shocked tone in her voice.

"You don't have a dad? That's weird!" A young boy called, followed by a couple of other kids agreeing, "Yeah!" Justin felt guilty like it was somehow his fault he didn't have a dad.

"That's enough, class." His teacher ended all the mockery.

In 3rd grade when he met Bryce, he had also asked Justin where his dad was. Bryce had a dad, so he couldn't understand how Justin couldn't've had one.

"I don't know my dad." Justin answered, his voice was so monotone. After all, he had answered that question his entire life. He was tired of it.

Bryce looked at him with a sad expression, "Well, hey," he started, "we can share mine!"

Justin was taken aback, then he laughed, "That's ridiculous!" Justin exclaimed. Bryce scoffed, "No it's not! Then we could be brothers!" Justin thought for a minute, he didn't mind having Bryce as a brother.

"Okay!" Justin was happy, for the first time someone made him feel included.

After all the shit with Jessica and Bryce happened, Justin was filled with an intense feeling of guilt and betrayal. Guilt for not helping Jess, and betrayal from someone he once considered a brother.  
Justin's head was spinning, he needed to leave. He didn't know where he was gonna go, but he had to leave. He'd stolen all of Seth's money and blew almost all of it on cheap motels for the first month of being on his own. The rest went to Oxy. But after a while, his money was dwindling away. Oxy was too pricy and heroin is cheap. The cost of food and drugs caught up with Justin quickly. He couldn't get a job, and he was running out of cash. And so he took towards the streets. He started working the corners, soliciting older men for money. Having to do unspeakable things to survive. Things worked like this for months until Clay found him. He was dirty and hungry, all alone on the street. Clay and Tony pulled up to him and he freaked out. It'd been months since he'd seen anyone from Liberty. It was all too much, so he ran.

"Justin! Jessica wants you back!" Clay exclaimed,

"Fuck you!" Justin yelled, he knew Clay was fucking with him.

"She does! I just talked to her yesterday." Clay was desperate.

"She fucking hates me, okay?!" Justin retorted.

"No, she doesn't she wants you to come back!" Clay had finally gotten through to the other boy. Justin thought for a minute before Tony yelled at them to get the fuck in the car. Justin decided to trust Clay and they went together.

After Bryce's trial and Justin's stint in juvie, he thought things would get worse. He'd have to go in the system since they couldn't find his mom. Admittedly, Justin was glad no one could find his mom, it meant she had gotten out, that she was safe. As it turns out the Jensen's applied for emergency custody of Justin. And after a while, they even wanted to adopt him. When Clay told Justin this, he couldn't believe his ears. Part of him thought it was a cruel joke.

"You know I'm like really fucked up, right?" Justin couldn't contain his emotions any longer, he was crying.

"Well, A, yes." Clay stated, causing Justin to let out a small laugh.  
"But, you're clean, you're going to meetings, and B, I'm also fucked up in certain ways." Clay and Justin stared for a while before Justin replied,

"Okay, yeah, I'd like to be adopted."

Months with the Jensen's had gone by with only minor issues. Justin had problems with challenging Matt, he'd only ever had bad men be around. So having a good guy like Matt in his life was an adjustment. Justin also had problems with discipline, he'd never had the "positive reinforcement" stuff Lainie had mentioned before. Any time someone would raise their voice in the house, Justin felt his heart start to race. He'd apologize too much or put his hands up defensively whenever Matt or Lainie would move their hands too quickly at the dinner table. Having Justin in their home was an adjustment for everyone. After a while, it just felt right. Admittedly, Clay was a bit jealous of the attention Justin was getting from his parents, but he got over. He knew Justin didn't have anyone else. Justin thought about his mom all the time, what'd she think of his new home, or what assumptions she'd make about the Jensen's. "Just a rich couple who want a charity case." Amber had once said about the Walker's after Justin started spending more time with Bryce.

After everything with the dance, Bryce's death, and Monty. Justin was ready to finally relax. To have some time to be a regular kid with a regular life. A shitty summer job and a geeky older brother. Just when he thought things were finally normal, Justin's world turned upside down.

"Justin?" Lainie gently called as she entered the garage. Justin was sitting in his bed, he started reading Clay's collection of Alien Killer Robots, it actually wasn't a bad read.

"Yes?" He answered as Lainie made her way to sit next to him on the bed,

"I have something to talk to you about." She said softly. Justin felt his pulse pick up,

"What? Is it about the adoption?" He could hear the fear in his own voice,

"No, honey, no."Lainie assured, "The adoption's fine, don't worry."

Justin gave a sigh of relief, "Then what?" He asked.

"Listen, I got a phone call from a man named Stephen Grant. Does that name sound familiar?" Lainie questioned,

"No, should it?" Justin replied, he was getting confused.

Lainie gave a small nervous laugh, Justin laughed too, he wasn't sure why but he felt awkward. "I guess it shouldn't." She replied, "Justin, this man, Stephen, called me and claimed to be... Your father."

Justin felt his heart stop, he wasn't breathing, the gears in his mind stopped turning. Justin just stared into space, trying to make sense of what he had just heard.

"Justin?" Lainie asked, snapping Justin out of his trance.

"Hm?" Justin looked up at her,

"I said, are you okay?" Lainie looked worried, worried she had made Justin upset.

"Oh, yeah," Justin responded coolly, "I'm totally fine." Lainie looked suspiciously at her son,

"Justin, it's okay if you want to talk about what I just told you." She said, she wanted to make Justin feel better, she could tell he wasn't okay.

"No, thank you, I'd rather be alone right now." Justin gave a small smile.

"Are you sure?" Lainie asked again,

"Yeah." Justin said, picking up Clay's comic and reading again.

Lainie left the room after assuring Justin that she'd always listen in case he ever wanted to talk.

Justin had a million things going on in his mind. His father? Why would he show up now? What did he want? Justin was snapped out of his mind when Clay threw his book bag on the bed,

"I fucking hate having to have a job." Clay exclaimed before looking over to Justin, "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Yeah." Justin responded. He thought for a minute before starting up again, "Actually, no." Clay looked at Justin weirdly,

"What's up?" Clay asked, concern in his voice.

"Uhm, your mom... She told me my dad called earlier." Justin stated dryly, no emotion in his voice.

"What?" Clay was confused, he didn't know what to think. "Your dad? Justin, oh my god. Are you okay?"

Justin just shrugged, he didn't know if he was okay, to be honest.

"What're you going to do? Are you gonna talk to him?" Clay asked his brother. Justin looked confusedly at Clay, He hadn't thought about that. Justin wasn't sure if could talk to his dad, it all seemed like it was too much.

"I don't know, Clay." The younger boy responded. He had a lot of think about.

"Lainie?" Justin asked as he quietly crept into the living room. "Yes, honey?" She responded, looking up from her laptop. "I think I want to talk to my dad."


	2. Daddy Dearest.

After careful planning and a lot of "are you sure"'s from both Matt and Lainie, a date for Justin to meet his father was set up. He was nervous and excited. Justin didn't know what the expect, honestly. He'd imagined his father in many different ways over the years. For the longest time when he was younger, he'd imagine his dad was some top-secret spy, sent away to protect Justin and his mom from the dangers his job brought. When he got into his teenage years, he threw that fantasy away and started imagining his father as nothing more than a coward. A man who abandoned his pregnant girlfriend and unborn son. Justin spent years being bitter, dispising a man he didn't even know. But now that the time had come to meet the man, Justin didn't know how to feel.

They had agreed to meet up at Monet's, well more like Matt and Lainie agreed to have Justin and his father meet up at Monet's. Justin had yet to speak with him. Matt and Lainie sat down with Justin in a booth and waited. They were supposed to meet at 5:30, but it was already 5:45. Just when Justin was ready to give up and accept that his father had skipped on him yet again, the bell on top of the door rang. Justin's gaze shot up to a man dressed in business casual attire, a blue button-up shirt, black slacks, and black shoes. Justin wasn't sure this was him, he looked nothing like he imagined. The man before him looked like a regular guy, not the deadbeat-junkie Justin had envisioned.

"Stephen?" Lainie asked, standing up to greet the man. The man nodded his head. So this was really him, huh? Matt stood too, motioning to shake his hand. Justin stayed seated, watching everything unfold before him. Matt looked at Stephen, then to Justin, then placed his hand on his wife's back,

"We'll leave you two to talk then." Matt said as he guided Lainie over to another booth within eyesight of the one Justin, and now Stephen were sitting at.

Justin stared for a few seconds before Stephen broke the silence,

"So it's Justin, right?" He asked awkwardly, Justin looked kind of offended the guy had to ask. Stephen saw the look on Justin's face and quickly blurted out, "No no! It's not like I didn't know! I just... I don't know what to say, really." he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Justin let out a small laugh, "Yeah, I don't know what to say either."

"Well, let's start off with school then. How's it going for you?" Stephen smiled at Justin, Justin recognized Stephen's smile as his own. He got a sudden chill rush through his body, but it just as quickly subsided.

"School is..." Justin trailed off, thinking about just how fucked up his school actually was, "Complicated." He finished,

"What about you? Got a job?" Justin came off as bitchier than he intended to be.

"Yeah, I'm a pharmacist, actually." Justin choked on air, oh god, the irony. "Are you okay?" Stephen asked, instinctively going to pat Justin's back. Justin saw the sudden movement of Stephen's hand and jerked back. Lainie quickly stood up, but sat back down after Matt pleaded with her. Stephen recoiled away from Justin too, he saw how scared he just was and didn't want to scare him further.

"Sorry." Justin breathed, realizing what he had done, "You just... You can't do that with me." He stated, looking down.

"It's okay, I get it. Really." Stephen replied, giving Justin another one of his own warm smiles. "So uh, have you got a girlfriend?" Stephen asked, trying desperately to fill in the awkward silence between the two.

"Yeah, I do." Justin laughed, "What about you?" He said in a semi-jokingly way.

"A wife, actually." his father replied.

Justin felt like he just got shot. "Really?" He croaked, his voice was giving up on him.

"Yeah, a baby too." Stephen replied again, pulling out his phone to show Justin a picture of his baby daughter. "Her name's April." Stephen stated fondly, failing to notice Justin's distressed mannerisms.

Justin felt a welt in his throat build-up, his hands were beginning to shake ever so slightly.

Stephen finally caught on to Justin's state, "Are you okay?" He asked, genuine concern in his voice.

"You have a baby?" Justin's voice broke, his eyes were filled with tears he tried to blink away.

"Shit." Stephen muttered under his breath, "I'm sorry, kid, I wasn't even thinking about... I'm sorry." Justin just scoffed, folding his arms he laid back in his seat.

Stephen sighed, "I'm sorry I upset you, truly." Justin had thrown politeness to the wind at this point, his feelings were hurt.

"Sorry you upset me." Justin bitterly repeated, "You're fucking sorry?"

"Yes. I am genuinely am." Stephen responded. He just wanted to make his son feel better.

"You know what? I don't really need your apology." Justin started, leaning towards Stephen. "I'm sure you're a fucking great husband and an even better dad, but I can't do this with you." Justin had let his tears continue to flow down his cheeks, he seemed so worn out.

"Do what with me, son?" Stephen asked, trying to gain insight on whatever Justin was referring to

"Don't fucking call me that! You lost the right!" Justin exploded, his emotions had gotten the best of his rationality and all he wanted was to get himself to stop feeling this way. By this time, Lainie and Matt had both made their over to the table,

"Okay, I think you two are done." Lainie stated, softly grabbing Justin's arm and motioning for him to stand.

"I'm sorry I upset him." Stephen said to Lainie, she gave him a polite smile,

"You're fine." She said.

"No, he's not fucking fine!" Justin yelled again. Lainie had started to walk her angry son out of the coffee shop when Stephen started,

"I'm not a bad person, Justin. I sincerely hope that one day you'll allow me to show you that."

Matt sighed, "I'm sorry. He's a very sweet kid, but he's also difficult."

Stephen nodded, "I understand. I can only imagine the stress I've brought on him." Matt didn't say anything else. He just shook Stephen's hand again and left after his wife and son.

The car ride home was silent. Justin was in the back, quietly trying to make himself stop crying. He felt a sudden and intense sense of regret. He knew logically that he shouldn't have been so mad, but he couldn't control himself. When the trio got home, Justin went straight to his and Clay's room.

"Hey man, how'd it go?" Clay asked, curiosity in his voice.

"Fucking awful." Justin stated as he lied down on the bed.

"What? Why? What happened?" Clay got up to sit next to Justin on the bed.

"Because he's not a fucking jackass." Justin said, putting his hands over his face.

"You're upset he isn't an asshole?" Clay asked confusedly.

Justin sighed, "I'm upset because I wanted him to be bad, Clay. I wanted him to be the fucking scum of the earth so I could just hate him and move on. But he isn't, Clay, he isn't. He's a fucking pharmacist with a wife and a beautiful little baby and probably a fucking little house with a white picket fence and a border collie." Justin rambled,

Clay was still confused, "So, you're mad because he's good?"

"I'm not mad because he's good, Clay!" Justin said out of frustration, he loved his brother to death, Justin would die for Clay, but he swears sometimes he makes it so easy for Justin to want to punch him.

Justin sighed, "He can be good, he can have the little house with the white picket fence and the baby and the wife and the fucking border collie, but why couldn't he have been that with me?"


	3. The Ones We Meet Along The Way.

Weeks had passed after Justin had visited with his dad and he hadn't spoken about the incident at all. Well, Justin hadn't spoken at all, really. Justin was oddly quiet, he didn't protest to punishment, which he didn't get often nowadays since he didn't do anything wrong. Justin went to school then home. He had told Jessica he needed a break, just for a little while. She was upset, but she understood that Justin had something going with him. She didn't know the specifics, Justin didn't tell her that part, but she knew something was up with him. He was quiet, he didn't want to play sports anymore, he didn't eat much, he looked as if he never slept. The last part was kind of true. Justin had been having nightmares almost every night, they involved his mom and his dad living a happy, normal life. But then everything would fall apart. His dad would leave, his mom would OD, and Justin would be left alone.

A few days of being on his break with Jess and keeping his head low, other kids started noticing. Zach noticed first, besides Clay of course. He questioned Justin as to why he stopped showing up the practices, stopped talking to him and his other teammates, and why he also when on a break with Jess.

At first, Zach accused Justin of doing drugs again, but Justin and Clay both said that wasn't the reason. "Well then what, man?" Zach asked, frustration in his voice.

Justin nervously looked towards Clay before sighing and saying, "I can't tell you, Zach. I can't."

Zach was understandably frustrated with Justin for not telling him, but he let it go. Zach had also noticed the change in Justin, same as Jess had. He just hoped his friend was okay and healthy. As long as he wasn't using, Zach was okay with Justin not wanting to reveal his issues.

The second person to question Justin about his change was Charlie St. George. The newest member of their little fucked-up friend group. Charlie asked Justin the same questions as Zach and Jess had, except with him, he didn't give up when Justin told him not to worry.

"Come on, Justin, I wanna know. I wanna help." Charlie pleaded, he knew he most likely should've let this go, but he was worried.

"Charlie, please," Justin begged, to be honest, he was more annoyed than wanting to keep his issues private at this point. Justin sighed, "if I tell you, will you please leave me be?"

The younger boy nodded, "I only want to help, man." he added.

Justin rubbed his eyes, god he was so tired. "Okay..."

Justin and Charlie moved from the hallway into the library, a quieter setting eased Justin's growing headache. "Look, man, this is a personal thing, I trust you and all, but don't go spreading this around. Or whatever." Justin said, avoiding eye contact with Charlie.

"Dude, I swear I won't say anything. I just want to know if you're okay, I don't want anything to happen to you." Charlie explained, the concern in his voice was heavily evident. Justin nodded, seeing the genuine concern on Charlie's face,

"Okay, so you know the Jensen's are adopting me, right?" He asked. Charlie nodded, "Well, as it turns out, my dad found me. And I've just been dealing with having him exist. I never knew for sure that he did until this past month." Justin concluded.

The younger boy nodded along, "I sort of relate to that."

Justin raised an eyebrow, "What'd you mean?" he questioned.

"Well, my dad skipped on us when I was 10. So I can understand the stress having him back could cause you." Charlie responded.

Justin didn't understand how Charlie could be so open about his situation, Justin felt ashamed for his own. He had realized that he'd spent too much time thinking and quickly got out a "Shit, man, I'm sorry."

Charlie gave a small chuckle, "No, it's cool," he assured, "it's been a while, and I hardly see him now anyway. But just know that I'm here if you want to talk to someone who kind of gets it." Charlie gave a warm smile before heading off to class.

Justin stood thinking for a minute, he never knew Charlie had that kind of shit going on, he always seemed so upbeat and happy. Justin shook his thoughts away once he realized he should also be going to class.

Later that day when Justin had got home, he thought more about the similarities between Charlie and him, he had finally found someone else who he could talk to. Not to say he couldn't not talk to Matt and Lainie, but it was just different. Matt and Lainie both had two parents in their lives all the way up until their parents had passed.  
Justin pulled out his phone, sat on his bed, and texted Charlie.

**Charlie**

**Hey man.**   
** Delivered**

Justin sat and messed around on his phone while he waited for a response. After a few minutes, his phone chimed.

**Charlie**

**Hey man.**   
** Read 4:04**

**Hey dude**

**What's up?**

Justin quickly texted back,

**Charlie**

**Hey dude**

**What's up?**

**Not much**

**Just wondering if u were still open to talk?**   
** Read 4:05**

**Totally, what's on ur mind?**

**So do you still want to talk to ur dad?**

**like if he wanted to too, would u?**   
** Read 4:07**

**Yeah, I guess so. I mean even if he**   
** left us, he's still my dad. U know?**

**yeah i get that**   
** Read 4:09**

**anything else on ur mind?**

Justin didn't know what else to say. He wanted to talk to Charlie more, but asking more questions just made him feel awkward.  
Justin began typing again.

**Charlie**

**anything else on ur mind?**

**no, actually im good**

**thank u tho**   
** Read 4:13**

**any time :)**

And with that, Justin closed his phone. Charlie had a point, Stephen was his dad. Regardless of how he had abandoned him, Justin should've realized sooner that Stephen was a human being. And we all make mistakes. Justin knew about that first hand. Justin picked up his phone again and started a new text.

**Stephen**

**Hey.**   
** Delivered**


	4. The Masked and The Hidden.

Justin stared at the "Delivered." text on his phone screen. It had only been 20 minutes since Justin had sent the "Hey." text to his father, but he was still anxious the man wouldn't reply. Justin's heart stopped when he saw "Read 4:35.", followed by three dots on the bottom left of the screen.

** Stephen. **

**Hey.**

**Read 4:35**

**Who's this?**

Justin was hurt for a few seconds, but quickly realized that he only had Stephen's number, and Stephen didn't have his. After internally facepalming, Justin began typing again.

** ** ** Stephen ** ** **

** **

** ** ** Who's this? ** ** **

** **

** **** hey sorry. its justin, i forgot you didnt have my number ******

****Read 4:37** **

** **

** ** ** Oh! No worries! I've been meaning to reach out to you... ** ** **

** **

** **** yeah... i've wanted to apologize for how i acted when we last saw each other******

****Read 4:38** **

** **

** ** ** It's really no problem. I can only imagine how hurt you must've been when I said I had a daughter. I should've been more sensitive to the topic. ** ** **

** **

**** **** look, i want to talk again **  
** ** in person.**

**Delivered **

Justin's heart was racing, his anxiety was reaching new highs. He knew he shouldn't have been setting up a time to see his dad without asking Lainie or Matt, but he was scared they'd say no. Especially given what happened last time. Justin's attention was brought back to his buzzing phone.

** ** ** Stephen ** ** **

** **

**** **** look, i want to talk again **  
** ** in person.**

**Read 5:00 **

** **

** ** ** I would love that, is it okay with your parents? ** ** **

** **

** **** yah they're totally cool with it. how about Monet's again? tomorrow at 5 okay?******

******Read 5:06 ** ** **

** **

** ** ** I can't do 5... How's 5:45? ** ** **

** **

** ** ** thats great******

** ********Read 5:08 ** ** ** ** **

** ** ** ** ** **

** ** ** ** ** Perfect, see you then. ** ** ** ** **

** ** ** ** ** **

**** Seeing Stephen ask if Justin's "parents" were okay with them meeting made him feel weird. For many reasons. Nevertheless, he smiled to himself. Justin made it a promise to not let his emotions overrule him this time. That night at dinner, Justin was quiet. His new normal. Although, Matt had made it his mission to make Justin participate in conversations.

"How about you, Justin?" He heard Matt asked as his ears tuned back into reality,

"I'm sorry?" Justin asked, a rush of heat filling his cheeks.

"I said, any plans for tomorrow?"

Justin felt a jolt of guilt hit his stomach with lightning speed, he didn't like lying to Matt, or Lainie either. But he also didn't want them to know about what he had planned.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm meeting up with Charlie at Monet's. There's some book he wants me to read? Some Twilight thing he loves." Justin said, grimacing at the word 'Twilight', just to make it more believable. Hey, just because Justin he didn't like to lie doesn't mean he's bad at it.

Clay laughed, "Of course Charlie likes that stuff."

Justin looked over to him, raising an eyebrow, "Oh, and you don't?" Matt and Lainie both laughed,

Clay blushed. "I only watched the movie because Skye wanted me to!" He exclaimed.

Justin laughed again, "Yeah. Just keep telling yourself that."

** ** ** ** ** **

**** **** Justin's day at school was uneventful. Same old shit as always. He honestly felt like he wasn't even present, and his body was just going through the motions. Anyways, Justin had also spoken to Charlie. He told the younger boy cover for him,

"If anyone asked, we were at Monet's today. You were showing me a book, Twilight. Got it?"

Charlie was... Confused to say the least. But he agreed, and surprisingly didn't ask Justin what exactly he needed to cover for.

Justin got to Monet's 10 minutes early, he just wanted to be cautious. After some time had passed, he looked at his watch. 5:46. Stephen had an issue with being on time, huh? "Well, I guess that makes sense." Justin thought. He quickly ridiculed himself for thinking that, "What happened to not being an ass, Justin?"

The door chimed and in walked Stephen, "Sorry I'm late." He started, sitting down across from Justin, "Traffic." Stephen shot him a smile.

"No worries. So, how are you?" Justin asked, trying to get the conversation going.

"I'm good, yeah, yourself?"

"Been a little better, honestly." Justin found himself saying, he probably shouldn't have.

"What's wrong?" Stephen asked with concern.

"Oh, don't worry about it! So did you just come from work?" Justin asked in efforts to change the topic.

"Home, actually. The baby's got a fever." Stephen sadly stated. Justin thought back to all the times he had a fever with no one to care for him. He quickly shook those thoughts away.

"I'm sorry to hear. Anyways I just wanted you here to ask you something. I thought it'd be better in person." Justin admitted.

"Sure, go ahead." Stephen replied, smiling again.

Justin shifted in his seat. Why was this so hard to ask? He cleared his throat and leaned inwardly on himself, very clearly uncomfortable with the situation he had just put himself in. Stephen picked up on this and slowly put a hand on Justin's shoulder,

"It's okay, really. Whatever it is, I won't be upset or anything." He reassured.

Justin nodded and began, "I just wanted... Wanted to know why. Why you didn't stay with my mom. And me."

Stephen guiltily looked towards the floor, "I was young." He simply stated. Justin looked at him, waiting for more, but there was none.

"That's it?" Justin questioned, he was kind of disappointed.

"That's it." Stephen answered, "I was young and immature. I didn't know how to react when Amber told me she was expecting you. So, I didn't. I turned around, walked out, and didn't speak to her again."

Justin was shocked by this. He just left? Ignored her?

"You're a fucking coward." Justin stated. It had just flown from his mouth. He quickly realized and apologized, "Shit! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

Stephen cut him off, "No, you're right. I was a fucking coward."

Justin was stunned to hear Stephen swear. He just didn't seem like that type of guy. "I should've stayed." Stephen finally spoke up again, "I should've stayed and manned up. I should've been there for you. I should've seen your first steps, heard your first words, been forced to watch one of those shitty kids Christmas shows the schools put on. But I wasn't. And I will forever be sorry for that. But, could you somehow find it in yourself to forgive me? Give me a chance to make it up to you now and be better?" Stephen had pleaded with Justin, eyes filled with tears threatening to release themselves.

Justin was on the brink of crying too, he had goosebumps. He looked towards his father and saw the sincerity in his face.

** ** ** ** ** **

"Yeah," Justin spoke, "I'd like that."


	5. Everything Comes Back To You.

Justin had been having secret meetings with his dad twice this week. He still hadn't told the Jensen's, but he needed to tell somebody. Justin wanted to talk to somebody about how he was feeling. He still barely talked at home, besides the nightly dinner conversations, that is. He thought about confiding in Clay, after all, he had saved more than a few of Justin's past secrets. But he wasn't ready to. Not just yet, anyway. Instead, Justin turned to the only other person he could think of who sort-of understood. Charlie. He had been helping Justin with dealing with his father for a week or so now. So Justin thought he could help again.

“What’re you doing later?” Justin asked Charlie as he was putting his books away in his locker.

“Nothing, why?” Charlie said as he closed the door.

“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. I want to talk again about… The thing were talking about last time.” Justin explained,

“Yeah, sure,” Charlie began, “I’d like that.” He smiled and Justin nodded,

“Alright cool.” He replied as he headed off to class.

Math class. Satan’s idea of a good time. Justin wasn’t paying attention anyway, math was his worst subject. He thought he did well enough in other subjects that D he was pulling in math wasn’t an issue. Justin was too busy thinking about his dad to actually care for the class. His dad and he had seen each other twice that week, seeing movies at The Crestmont. Justin liked to see movies with his dad, it meant they didn’t have to talk much. It’s not that Justin didn’t like talking to his dad, but it was just… Boring.

Over time, Justin came to learn that Stephen wasn’t a bad guy. But damn, was he boring. Justin expected that much though. I mean, how exciting can a pharmacist be? Nevertheless, they both enjoyed each other’s company, even if few words were exchanged.

After school that day, Charlie and Justin met at Monet’s.

“So,” Charlie began, “How is he? Your dad. Is he nice? Do you call him dad? Or do you call him by his name?” Charlie was shooting out questions too fast for Justin to even process answers,

“Uhm, I… I don’t think I call him anything.” Justin admitted,

“What’d you mean?” Charlie questioned.

“Well like, I usually just say ‘Hey’ in his direction and he knows I’m talking to him.”

Charlie looked at Justin with understanding, “That makes sense. I mean, it must be awkward to say his name or dad, huh?"

Justin gave a short, nervous laugh, “Yeah.”

Charlie began speaking again when he picked up on the awkward silence, “Anyways, he’s nice though?”

“Yeah! Plenty nice, just boring.” Justin said, “We don’t have a lot to say, really.”

Charlie nodded, “Yeah I get that. I don’t speak to my dad much because of that reason too. I mean, I see him at holidays and birthdays sometimes, but we don’t have a lot in common anymore.” Charlie looked almost sullenly towards the floor.

“Damn, man, I’m sorry.” Justin got out. Emotions were not his strong suit.

“It’s fine, really.” Charlie smiled, “Hey, have you told Clay or his par-” He cut himself off and rephrased, “-Your parents?” Justin shook his head,

“No, and I can’t. Not yet anyways. I just don’t want them to be mad at me. You know, for lying and all.”

“Who’re you lying to?” Clay asked, coming up from behind Justin. 

“Shit.” Justin thought, “Nobody, don’t worry!” He quickly spit out, “What’re you doing here, Clay?” Justin panicked and questioned.

“What,” Clay scoffed, “Can’t I buy coffee?”

Justin gave a nervous laugh, “I guess you can.”

Silence filled the conversation, and it brought along its friend, awkward tension.

“Well,” Charlie started, putting his stuff in his bag, “I should be going, mom’s expecting me. See you, Justin. And you too, Clay.”

“See you, man.” The two called out, “He’s kind of weird, huh?” Clay asked while sitting next to Justin.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Hey, so who were you lying to?” Clay questioned.

Justin felt anxiety creeping up on him, “Don’t worry about it.” He simply answered.

The rest of the day had come and gone, leaving dinner to follow. Which meant one of Matt’s awkward attempts to make Justin talk to everyone. “So, what is everyone’s weekend plans?”

“Well, Tyler and I are gonna see a movie tomorrow, Killer Clowns from Outerspace. It’s a rerun, and also one of Tyler’s favorites, apparently.”

“Fuck.” Justin thought, he and Stephen were supposed to see a movie too.

“That’s nice,” Lainie added, “Justin, baby, what about you?” Hearing Lainie say ‘baby’ followed up by his name made Justin feel… Odd.

“Charlie and I are gonna hang at his house.” Justin replied, mentally cursing himself for how weak the lie was.

Matt made a ‘hmmph’ noise followed by, “You sure are hanging out with that Charlie kid a lot, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, did he replace Zach on the best friend leaderboard?” Clay joked, which earned him one of the “mom looks” Lainie gave out.

Justin faintly blushed, “Shut up.”

  
  


Most of Saturday had already blown by, leaving Justin with just half an hour before he had to see his dad. Luckily he was able to redirect their evening onto a different task. The last thing Justin wanted was to risk Clay seeing him and Stephen together. Although there wasn’t a chance of that happening now, Justin still had anxiety about it.

“Almost ready for your date with Charlie?” Clay asked, making kissing noises with his mouth.

“Jensen, I will fucking kill you in your sleep.” Justin retorted.

Clay mockingly put his hands up, “Dude, chill. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a sensitive topic.”

Justin gave a frustrated sigh. “Hey, are you okay?” Clay asked.

“Yes!” Justin exploded, he just wanted Clay to _ stop talking _. His head hurt so fucking bad.

Clay flinched back when he yelled,

“Fuck…” Justin muttered, “I’m sorry for freaking out, man.” He said rubbing his temples and sitting on the bed. Clay slowly sat next to him, caringly rubbing his back,

“Man, what is up with you lately?” Clay asked softly. Justin sighed,

“I know I’ve been weird. I’m sorry. I just have… Shit going on.”

“Oh holy shit, are you…” Clay made a ridiculous smoking motion with his hands.

“What? God! Clay!” Justin shot up from the bed, “No, alright? I’m not.”

“Okay, then what? Justin, come on you can tell me.” Clay pleaded.

Justin shook his head, “I can’t. Not yet, anyway. But I will, I promise.” Justin said reassuringly before checking the time on his phone, “Damn, I should go. But... Thank you, Clay.”

“No problem.” Clay smiled.

  
  
  


Clay and Tyler were exiting the movie theatre, arguing about the film they just saw.

“That was not scary!” Clay exclaimed,

“Yes it was!” Tyler scoffed.

“Tyler, it was shitty actors in even shittier clown costumes.” Clay explained,

“Well, it was scary for it’s time!” Tyler defended.

“Yeah, and in _ this _time, it was garbage.” Clay shot back.

“Wasn’t that so cool?” Clay heard a familiar voice say. Charlie. He looked towards the source and in fact saw Charlie, but he was with a girl. Confused, Clay walked over,

“Hey! Charlie, where’s Justin?”

“What’d you mean?” Charlie asked, more confused than Clay.

“He isn’t with you?” Clay questioned.

Charlie shook his head, “No?” Charlie suddenly understood the situation, "Oh, fuck."


	6. The Process of Healing.

Justin quietly crept into the outhouse, as he and Clay oh so lovingly called it. Making extra precautions to be quiet, Justin slipped his shoes off at the door. It was 11:38 by the time he got home, his outing with Stephen took longer than expected. Since the two couldn't go to the movies, they went bowling. Pretty lame, he knows, but it wasn't bad. As Justin got closer to bed and set his bag down, the light quickly flew on.

"Where the _fuck_ were you?" Clay interrogated as he sat on his side of the room. Justin was startled and jumped back a bit before stating,

"I told you, with Charlie."

"I know that's bullshit! Tyler and I saw him at the movies. Where the fuck were you!?" Clay had gotten more aggressive, he just couldn't stand for Justin's lies anymore.

Justin flinched as Clay yelled, feeling his heart begin to race. Justin didn't answer, the thumps of his heart and the pounding of drums in his head were too much. Clay got angry at Justin's lack of replies and yelled again, "Goddamnit, Justin! Were you doing drugs!? Tell me the _fucking _truth because if I hear another lie from you I'm gonna lose my mind."

Justin was spiraling, his head was killing him, he could barely even hear Clay over his heartbeat. He put his hand in hands and sat on the bed.

**Stop! Stop! Just breathe, Justin, come on! It's okay, just breathe in and out, just like Lainie always says too when you usually get like this. God, fuck! I can't breathe. I can't, I can't, I can't. I'm so fucking sorry. Please, just fucking _stop_. ** **In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, fuck!**

Justin's thoughts were going 100 miles per hour, he was crying, shaking, air would not enter his lungs no matter how much pleading he did.

"Justin, honey, it's okay. You're fine." A soft voice spoke to him. Lainie. She gently put her hand on his back and started rubbing comforting circles on it, "In and out, remember?"

Justin felt so fucking pathetic, useless. The number of times this exact scenario had played out was ridiculous. He literally couldn't even keep count. Slowly, Justin's breathing evened out, the shaking was slowing too. His head was tucked into his knees, Lainie still rubbing his back caringly. He was sure Matt was there too, just to add on to Justin's growing embarrassment.

"I'm sorry." He softly spoke, still crying, but at least he could breathe.

"Honey, don't apologize, you're fine." Lainie assured,

"What happened, Clay?" Justin heard Matt ask.

"He's fucking using again." Clay said, he sounded more worn out than Justin did,

"I'm not!" Justin's head shot up, he swears to fucking God he's not.

"Then what? What've you been hiding?" Clay questioned, Matt and Lainie looked at Justin too.

Justin sighed, he knew they'd all be mad, "I've been... Hanging out with my dad." Justin admitted, feeling tears begin to flow again.

"Stephen?" Lainie asked, Justin nodded.

"Justin, why didn't you tell us?" Matt was more concerned than angry. Logically, Justin knew Matt would never hit him, but that was always where his mind went first whenever he did something wrong.

"I was scared that if I told you that I wanted to see him, you wouldn't let me." Justin hung his head,

"That's ridiculous, why wouldn't we let you?" Lainie asked confusedly. She loved her son, but most of the time his thought process confused her.

"I don't know, I'm sorry."

Lainie sighed, "Justin, we never want you to feel like you have to hide anything from us. If you really want to continue seeing your dad, of course we'd let you!"

Matt piped up, "We want you to be happy. But you know we have to deal with the lying, too."

Justin simply nodded his head. And with that Matt and Lainie told the boys goodnight and left them alone.

"What the fuck, dude." Clay said, it wasn't a question, just a general "what the fuck." 

"I know." Justin replied,

"Your dad? Justin what the fuck." Clay continued,

"Would you stop saying that?" Justin begged, he sighed and rolled over in his bed, "Just... Let me sleep."

The next morning breakfast was silent. Justin was still on edge from last night, but quietly eating his waffles when Lainie suddenly spoke, "Matt and I think it'd be good for you to see a therapist, Justin."

Justin stopped eating, "Do you think I'm crazy?" He said defensively.

"No, we don't. We just think it's best to talk to someone. About how you feel, what's on your mind, that sort of stuff." Matt explained.

Justin scoffed, "Fine, whatever." He got up from the table and stomped away.

"Welp," Clay started as he stood too, "that went well."

So much shit had happened in the past few weeks with Justin, having to lie to everyone, having his dad back, barely even talking to Jess... Shit, Jess. Justin had hardly spoken a word to her for the past few weeks. A sudden feeling of guilt overwhelmed him. At school, Justin tried to talk to Jess, tried to explain everything, but she wasn't having it.

"What the fuck, Justin? You say you have to have a break, don't talk to me for weeks, then try to jump back into our relationship like everything's fine?" Jess exploded, people in halls began to stare.

"That's not what- Jess could you let me explain-" Justin tried desperately to tell her,

"I don't wanna hear it, Justin! You treated me like shit, I don't want to hear anything from you right now." And with that, she stormed off.

Justin felt helpless, a feeling he hated deeply. Justin stood at Jess' locker, staring at nothing, thinking about how severely he fucked up with everyone. The Jensen's, his friends, his girlfriend. God, everything was so _fucked_. In the midst of his chaotic thinking, a voice tried reaching out to him,

"Justin? Justin?" He zoned back into reality to see Charlie

"Justin, man I'm so sorry about last night, Clay saw me and I should've known better than to have-" Charlie began rambling but Justin quickly put his mind to ease,

"Don't worry, Charlie, it's okay. Really." Charlie gave a sigh of relief,

"That's good, I didn't want you to hate me, or whatever."

Justin laughed a little, "I don't hate you, man, you've helped me enough these past weeks. Thank you by the way."

Charlie smiled, "No problem, man."

After school that day, Justin still needed to talk to Jess, but since she wouldn't let him, he tried other sources.

**Alex**

**Hey man Jess won't talk to me**

**Read 4:09**

**Yeah, no shit. You treated her like garbage.**

**I know but she won't let me explain**

**Read 4:11**

**Explain what? Why've you been so weird?**

**Look man its a whole story. can u just let Jess know im sorry and that if she lets me explain itll make sense??**

**Read 4:16**

**If she'll listen to me, yeah.**

**Thank you alex your a life saver**

**Read 4:18**

**You're***

Justin rolled his eyes and closed his phone. There was a knock at the door, Lainie came in,

"Hey, Justin. So about the therapy situation..." She trailed off, obviously leaving him room to chime in,

"I'm sorry about how I reacted to that, I know you want what's best for me. You don't understand the guilt I've been having lately..." Justin explained to her.

"It's okay, maybe we should've brought it up better too. If you really don't want to see a professional, that's okay." Lainie assured, she spoke softly to him always, she knew raised voices and aggressive tones were triggering for him. The years of abuse were evident in his demeanor, although she never discussed it with him.

"No, I do, I should... See a therapist." Justin admitted, more so to himself than to Lainie. She smiled,

"That's great, I've already had an appointment planned for Tuesday at 5:00." Justin chuckled at the fact she already made an appointment,

"You knew I'd say yes, didn't you?"

Lainie smiled, "I had a hunch." 


	7. Therapy, oh now I need thee.

Justin sat in the gloomy waiting area. The brown rug and dark-grey walls clashed together to add to the sad-effect of the office. Justin shifted uncomfortably in his seat for a number of reasons. Reason one was because it was hard. The cushions must've been as old as Justin was. Not to mention the number of people who've sat in the exact same seat as him probably didn't help this matter either. Reason two, he was nervous. Justin had agreed to see a therapist, and he wanted to. But, the idea of talking to this woman he'd never met, and also didn't know him at all, was jarring. Lainie had dropped Justin off, she had a meeting and couldn't stay to wait with him. She apologized profusely, but assured him she'd come back to pick him up. He understood she had other priorities, Justin was actually glad Lainie had a job. His mother never had one long enough for him to realize. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the door opened,

"Justin?" A young woman called. She was pretty, brown hair down to her shoulders, hazel eyes that shown green in the light of the sun, she must've been older than Justin, but she didn't look like it. Justin got up from the chair, his lower back aching, and followed her into the office.

"Please, have a seat. I'm Dr. Laken, but you can call me Hannah." The woman announced.

Justin felt a sense of dread shoot through his body faster than he could take a breath. He hadn't heard the name Hannah in such a long time, "No, thank you, I'd rather not." he answered, trying to hide his uneasiness.

"That's fine, no worries. So... What brings you here to see me?" Dr. Laken asked, pen at the ready of her notebook.

Justin thought for a minute, what was he here for? He knew he had some stuff to talk about, but how did he even know where to begin? "I, uh... I'm not really sure." he stated, "I don't know how to start, really."

"That's fine, how about I ask you something first? Then we can work off of that?" Dr. Laken suggested. Justin nodded, seemed like a good plan to him. "How is... Your life at school?"

He thought for a while. His school life was... Okay. He didn't get into trouble that much anymore, especially since he didn't have Bryce or Monty to instigate anything.

"School's okay. I actually just quit the football team." Justin told her,

"Oh? And why's that?" the Dr. quizzed.

"I just... Didn't feel like it was fun anymore. A lot of the guy's who used to be on the team were... Not very good people, so I guess that sort of ruined it for me." he wasn't lying.

"How were they not good?" Laken asked, still writing stuff down on her notebook as they went on,

"Uhm, well, my old... Friend. Bryce, was a... He did things. To girls. A lot of girls." Justin admitted, trying his best to not say the big "R" word. It made Justin uncomfortable, and he also wasn't sure if it would make Dr. Laken uncomfortable too.

She had a sudden look of realization on her face and jotted something down on the paper, "I see."

Justin felt awkward. Like he had somehow said the wrong thing. "But he's dead now." he blurted out,

Laken looked up to him, "I'm sorry. Would you like to talk about that?"

He looked quizzically at her, "Why're you sorry?"

"You had said he was a friend." Dr. Laken recalled,

"Yeah, he _was_ for a while. But he hasn't been for a long time." Justin made sure to emphasize the word 'was'.

Laken nodded, "Anything else you'd like to talk about? Family, maybe?"

Justin thought for a minute, his family situation was complicated. But that was part of the reason he did want to be here. "Yeah, okay." he began, "Well Lainie, you spoke to her on the phone, is my foster mom. My, real, mom is... Somewhere. My friend Clay is Lainie's son, he took me in when I didn't have anywhere to go." Justin awkwardly explained. He had a point, but he couldn't find the right words to use to get to it.

"I see... Why couldn't you stay with your mom anymore?" Dr. Laken question, still writing things down. Justin really wished she'd stop writing things down.

"Uhm, her boyfriend wasn't a... Nice guy. He was a dealer so..."

Laken made a noise of acknowledgment, "That must've been hard. Seeing your mother pick a drug dealer over you. How'd that make you feel?"

Justin felt offended and scoffed, "She didn't 'pick' Seth over me, okay?"

"But she knew he wasn't a, 'nice guy', as you put it, and didn't do anything to help?" asked Laken.

"No, no, she _couldn't _do anything." Justin said defensively, what was her angle here?

"Why couldn't she do anything?" Laken kept on,

"Because he'd fucking beat her if she did, okay?" Justin was worked up, but felt strangely better.

Laken's expression softened, "And he'd beat you too, wouldn't he?"

Justin nodded, "Yeah." he replied softly. It was like Justin had finally admitted this to himself. Sure, he had said Seth was an abusive asshole before, but he had never said he had hit _him._

Justin relaxed, his mind felt more at ease, "He wasn't the first, either."

Laken looked up at him again, "She had other 'not nice' boyfriends?" she questioned, her tone was professional, but calming. She wasn't mean, or she didn't have an ulterior motive, she was just asking questions. Justin felt comfortable with her for some reason, he couldn't tell you why, but he did.

"Yeah. A lot more," he told Dr. Laken, "a lot more who did a lot worse."

Justin was pale, he could tell that for himself.

Laken noticed this too and reassured him, "Justin, we don't have to keep on this subject if you really don't want to."

"No, it's fine. I need to."

Justin proceeded to tell her everything. About his mom's boyfriend who used to come into his room, about what he had to do on the streets, even about what Bryce did to Jess, and Hannah.

A wave of relief had swept over Justin, he had finally gotten all of this shit out there. He was a sobbing mess by the end, but he felt good. For the first time in such a long time, he felt okay.

* * *

Over the course of the next few weeks, Justin had two more appointments with Dr. Laken. He started opening up to her about Stephen and how he was getting close to him.

Over time, Justin started opening up to Lainie and Matt too. He was talking more at home, and he talked to Stephen more. Though Justin hadn't seen him in a while. Lainie had also informed Stephen of the fact neither she nor Matt knew of the outings he and Justin had been having. Stephen apologized, stating he didn't know and that Justin had told him it was okay. Lainie assured him she wasn't mad, but from now on wanted to keep in touch with Stephen directly, just so they both knew what was going on.

The one thing that hadn't gotten better was Justin's situation with Jess. She had ignored Alex's pleas to talk to Justin and avoided him. Justin wanted to give her space, time to be mad at him. He'd been pretty shitty after all. But after a few weeks of this, Justin couldn't take it anymore. He followed her into the girls room.

"Jess-" he started,

"Justin! What the fuck!? Get out of here!" she shoved him,

'I know! I know this is creepy, I'm sorry! But you won't fucking listen to me!" Justin cried,

"Justin, just get out!" Jess yelled back.

"Not until you hear me out!" Justin stood his ground.

Jessica sighed, "Fine. Go."

"I want to apologize for treating you so badly, but the reason for that was because... My dad got in touch with me, and I was dealing with having him in my life, it was difficult to accept him, but I forgave him and he actually isn't a bad guy." Justin explained.

Jess' expression softened, "Justin, oh my god. That's huge. I'm so sorry I didn't let you tell me-"

Justin quickly cut her off, he didn't want her to feel bad. "No, it's okay! I was a jackass and-"

"Goddamnit, Justin. Just let me feel like shit for once, okay?" she gave a small laugh, Justin laughed too. "Do you forgive me?" Jess asked, hugging him close,

"Of course I do, I love you." 

Everything finally starting to get back to normal. His home life was good, his school life was okay, and his sex life was _great_. Justin felt happy for the first time in a long time. His regular visits to Dr. Laken were really helping him.

Things were good. Until one day, Stephen sent him a text.

**Stephen**

**Hey, kid. Listen, I've been thinking and I really want you to meet my family. How does that sound?**


	8. My mind, my escape.

Justin stared at the text on his screen. It had been days since he opened it, and still hadn't replied. There was an odd feeling in Justin's stomach as he looked at the text again. Deciding he could use a second opinion, he went to Lainie.

"M-" Justin almost found himself referring to her as 'Mrs. Jensen', "Lainie?" he corrected.

She looked up from the book she was reading on the couch, "Yes, hon?"

"I got this... Text. From Stephen."

Lainie made an 'a-ha', "So, he asked you?" 

Justin was confused, "How'd you know?"

"He asked me first, just to make sure it was okay."

Justin made an 'O' shape with his mouth. Shuffling his feet slightly, he continued, "Well? What should I say?"

Lainie gave a small chuckle, "Justin, I can't tell you that."

He groaned, "But I don't know what to say!" he flopped himself onto the couch next to her.

"Well... You can say no, and then maybe later; if you're ready, you can say yes." she presented to him an idea of which Justin hadn't even pondered.

He thought for a minute. That _was _a good idea, but what if this is his only chance? What if Stephen never offered again? What if he said no when Justin would bring it up? If he says no now, Stephen will hate him. He'll think Justin hated him. God, why can't he just make a fucking _decision for once in his fucking life_? Having to go to Lainie for a simple 'yes' or 'no' question. _How pathetic_. _How fucking pathetic._

Suddenly, Justin found it hard to breathe. He shuddered, getting an intense wave of coldness rush through him.

"You okay, baby?" Lainie inquired.

There was that 'baby' thing again. Why she always say that? Did she think Justin was a child? Was it because he's always so _fucking helpless_?

With his mind continuing to spiral, Justin tucked his head between his knees and began hyperventilating. Lainie tried comforting him, rubbing circles on his back and telling him to breathe slowly.

"In, and out. In, and out," she instructed. "In, and out."

He did so, but it hardly helped. He couldn't focus on breathing because his mind _wouldn't stop going_. Hot, desperate tears began to flow from his eyes. Desperate to stop himself from thinking. Desperate to _stop_ everything.

It took a long while to fully calm down. Lainie ended up having to give him a low dosage of Xanax. His therapist had prescribed them since Justin's anxiety attacks were frequent and violent. Violent in the sense of lasting a long time. Justin was reluctant of taking the drug, too. He knew he most likely couldn't get addicted to Xanax, but the motion of popping a pill brought back memories... He'd rather forget.

"Are you okay now?" Lainie softly questioned.

"Mhm." he nodded, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, Justin. It's not your fault." she comforted. Justin worked himself up often. He always felt guilty afterwards too.

He found himself getting the urge to apologize once more, but suppressed it, "I'm okay." he said softly.

Lainie doubted that. Justin was many things; funny, sweet, kind, thoughtful, beautiful, and smart. But okay, he was not. By any means. But, she let him use that as an automatic response anyway.

"What set you off just then?" she inquired.

The boy shrugged, "I don't know... Just all the stuff with Stephen made me anxious. What if I say no now? Do you think he'll let me change my mind later?" 

Lainie gave him a soft smile, "Of course he will, hon. He understands that all this might be overwhelming, he told me so himself."

"He did?" Justin looked perplexed. It made Lainie chuckle.

"Obviously. Honey, Lainie knows _everything_." she goofily pointed to herself. They shared a laugh and Justin contemplated on what to do.

**Stephen**

hey.

Delivered.

Fuck, what was he going to say? He hoped that texting would help him understand, but no. He panicked.

**Stephen**

hey.

Read 6:08

Hey, kiddo. What's up?

Justin sat. His mind was going a million miles per hour and yet, he had no idea what to say. His stomach churned as he typed his next text.

**Stephen**

hey.

Read 6:08

Hey, kiddo. What's up?

I want to meet your family.

Read 6:20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry yall waited so long and this is all i could produce
> 
> im tired of writing this. i dont have any ideas and it feels tedious.


	9. Family Gathering.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin meets Stephen's family.

Justin kicked his legs childishly underneath the kitchen chair. His expensive black-leather shoes hit against the wooden legs with a soft **_bang, bang, bang. _**He was waiting for Stephen and his wife (Mindy? Mandy?), alongside his baby girl April. He was nervous, to say the least. Hadn't slept more than five hours in the past two days combined. Lainie and Matt both assured him that he didn't have to meet Stephen's (other) family if he didn't want too, but Justin needed to do this.

"And you're sure, Just?" Lainie asked once again. She was anxiously picking at her fingers as she paced back and forth.

"Yes, Lainie, I'm sure." he confirmed with a soft smile.

She returned the expression and gently put her hand on his face for a second. Justin liked the contact, he never quite got it with his own mother. Sure, she hugged him, but it was just different with Lainie.

Clay came in the kitchen and recoiled in shock at the sight of Justin, "You look... Not homeless."

Lainie shot him a "not cool" look.

Justin decided to wear a "casual formal" (Matt's description) outfit consisting of black straight dress pants and a white button-down shirt, top two buttons left ajar, of course. He laughed, "Thanks, asshole."

Lainie was about to scold Justin for his vernacular, but a knock at the door stopped her. She brightened, "He's here,"

Justin sigh, getting out of his chair and directing his attention to Clay, "Showtime."

"You look great, kid!" Stephen exclaimed as he walked inside.

"Thanks," Justin replied, "you look good too. You both do." he gestured to the woman aside his father.

"Hi," she spoke cheerfully, "I'm Amanda!" (A ha! It _was_ Mandy!)

Justin went to shake her hand, but she went in for the full hug. He gasped at first, the sudden contact was jarring, but he quickly relaxed and returned her embrace.

"And this," she drew back and revealed the stroller behind her, "Is April..."

"Wow," Justin breathed at the sight, "she's... Beautiful."

Mandy smiled at the compliment, "She's got your eyes. You get 'em from Steve."

Justin felt... Something. Something he couldn't describe in his stomach. But he smiles and nodded regardless.

"Welp," Stephen clapped his hands together, Justin blinked at the noise, "We should get a move on!"

Justin furrowed his brows, "Is it going to be okay, taking a baby to a restaurant?"

Mandy chuckled, "Oh, don't worry. She's _suuuper mellow." _she dramatically stretched out the "u" sound.

Justin laughed at her. She wasn't how he imagined-- dull, cold, a stereotypical stepmom, really. Mandy was full of life, and she had jokes too. It was nice to see that April had a good mother.

"Well, I'm starving," Justin laughed.

Stephen nodded and parted from the doorway, gesturing Justin to go outside. He did as told.

"Bye," Lainie called out, "I love you!" she waved to him in the car, Matt by her side offering a simple hand up, doing that weird closed-mouth smile that white people do.

Justin had another feeling he couldn't place when Lainie said that. She hadn't ever said "I love you" before... It was always just... Implied. It was odd.

Mandy strapped April in her car seat next to Justin. The baby looked up to him and smiled widely, she began babbling.

"My," Stephen said, "someone likes you, Justin!"

The boy laughed, "Yeah," he agreed softly, "I guess so."

* * *

The restaurant was nice, ambient lighting (which Mandy said made April calm), and soft jazz music playing overhead. Justin felt slightly out of place, he hadn't been to a 'fancy' place like this in a long time. He opened the menu and was immediately slapped with the prices. God, everything was so _expensive, _he felt too poor to even _look _at this shit.

"Anything look good, kid?" Stephen asked.

"Expensive..." he muttered quietly. Apparently, though, not quiet enough.

"Pssh," his father scoffed, "don't worry about it. You're my son, let me spoil ya'."

Justin suddenly got very queasy, "Excuse me," he removed the napkin from his lap and rushed to the restroom.

-

Everything felt heavy. His shirt, his pants, his shoes, his _body. _

He felt his breath become shallow.

_No,_ he thought, No. Not here. Not now.

Splashing water on his face, Justin felt more grounded. The heavy-feeling eased up and his breathing evened itself out. He took a second before going back out.

**It's okay. Everything is okay. Just breathe.**

-

Coming up on his table, he overheard a conversation between Mandy and Stephen,

_"Absolutely not, Stephen!" _Mandy yelled in a hushed tone.

_"Why not? He's my kid!"_

_"I don't want that boy sleeping so close to April. You said he's a junkie!"_

Justin finally identified the feeling he had earlier. Dread.

_"He used to be a junkie, and can you blame him? You know what an absolute nightmare Amber was, I'd do drugs too if that was my mother. He's clean now."_

_"I don't want him in our home, Stephen. End of discussion."_

He heard Stephen let out an exasperated sigh. He didn't say anything else.

Justin felt like running. He knew Mandy was being too nice, everyone is always _too nice_ at first. Before he realized, Justin was halfway to the exit. He stood at the door and contemplated going out of it. On the one hand, it would be easy. He could just leave and neither of them would know for at least another five minutes. He could just go home, curl up and sleep. Sleep forever.

But no, he couldn't. This was his chance. His only shot at a first impression. And damn it, he wanted to make it a good one. Mandy thought Justin was a junkie? Well, goddammit, he's gonna prove her wrong.

Justin slowly came back to the table and sat down this time.

"Hey, kiddo," Stephen said in surprise, "You okay? You were in there a long time."

"Uh, yeah," Justin said cooly, "There was a long line."

Stephen made an 'ah' face before turning attention back to the menu, "So, anything look good?"

Justin pondered the items for a bit, "I think... I'll go for the... Filet Mignon with roasted carrots." 

"Ooh," Mandy perked up, "I _loove _roasted carrots!"

"Oh yeah?" Justin asked, "So did my mom." He saw her glare at Stephen from the corner of his eye, _Yeah. My mom, you fake bitch. _

The rest of the meal went on with friendly conversation and Mandy's fake smiles. Justin bit his tongue, though. Clay'd be proud of him for it, too.

"So Justin," Mandy started in her tone (the tone-- Justin came to see-- was condescending), "Anyway plans for college?"

He hummed, "Not at the moment, ma'am. I'm a little behind on schoolwork, ya'know, from being a junkie and all,"

Stephen sputtered and coughed on his drink. _Cmon, you can't expect me to bite my tongue for that long._

"but after I catch up, I'm thinking of going to Berkeley. They have a great program for social work, I hear."

She hummed while sipping her margarita, "Is that what you want to do? Social work?"

Justin nodded, "Yeah, actually. You know, I spent a lot of him in the system and I just... I just wanna help out. Those kids... No one is really looking out for them, I wanna be the one who does."

Stephen looked amazed, "Wow, that's really great, Justin."

Mandy sighed, "You overheard what I said to Stephen, didn't you?"

Justin just smiled at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Figured," she laughed, "I'm sorry." she said, "I shouldn't have said those things about you, Justin. I'm sure you're a great kid-- you seem excellent-- I just don't know you that well. I know I came off as a mythic bitch, but I'm really not. I'd like for you to give me another shot, though, if you'd like...?"

He pondered her request for a second. She _was, _in fact, a mythic bitch, but everyone deserved a second chance. Hell, Justin has had at least _twelve _'second chances', he'd be a hypocrite to deny Mandy one.

"Okay," he nodded, "okay, yeah. I'd... I'd like that."


	10. NA.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life has been testing for Justin, he could use a meeting.

The Church basement this week's Narcotics Anonymous meeting was being small. The walls were clad with wooden panels fresh out of the year _1970, _with a khaki-colored shag carpet to match. The rickety foldout plastic table being used to harbor the hard cookies and shitty coffee wasn't doing too hot either. There were many cracks and dings that had since been "fixed" with duct tape and gorilla glue. It was too familiar to Justin. Even since before he started participating in meetings when his mother would try to clean up her act so DCFS wouldn't whisk him off to some terribly managed group home, or some foster family who only saw Justin as a monthly paycheck. He can remember playing with his matchbox cars while she spoke.

_  
"My name is Amber, and I'm addicted to heroin... And meth, and pills, and... Hell, just about anything I can get my hands on."_

_She pinched the bridge of her nose while the room filled with an echoing of "Hi, Amber."_

The meeting slowly started to fill up as the time ticked on. Some faces familiar, some new. Justin found comfort in it, though. It was sad to admit, but NA meetings were the only constant thing throughout Justin's life.

"Hey. Justy Boy!" a familiar voice called out. Santiago, Justin sponsor. He was an older man-- a little older than Matt-- who'd been around forever. Justin was decently sure Santiago even sponsored his mother, too.

"Hey, Santi," Justin met him halfway for a hug, "'Sup, man?"

"Same ol', same ol'," he drew back from their embrace, "Say, how'd that dinner with your pops go?"

Justin sighed, "It was a fuckin' ordeal, let me tell you." he laughed.

Santiago pursed his lips and raised his brows, "Yeah? Can't wait for you to get up there and share it," he patted Justin on the back before moving on to greet other members of the group.

Justin scoffed humorously at his efforts. Santiago _always _wanted Justin to share in the group. And he did!... Mostly. But it was just so difficult sometimes... And it's not like he was required. Justin just preferred to listen most of the time, hearing some of the shit that comes out of these guys' mouths... It helps keep him grounded.

After another few minutes, the group was adequately filled up and began. A couple of people went up before Justin, sharing stories, celebrating sobriety, it made him happy to hear how Mark fought the urges, or how Nancy detected her cousin was using and got him help. It was a community. It was a family.

After another person shared their story, Justin decided now was as good as any to go up and speak.

"Hello," Justin began loudly, confidently, "My name is Justin and I'm an addict."

Cue the rain of "hello"'s.

"This week has been... Weird... for me," he chuckled, "I had dinner with my dad and his other family. Met his wife, met his baby-- _my _sister-- I mean, how crazy is that? I just... I don't know... It was a lot. My dad's wife, not sure I say her name, said she didn't trust me around her baby for being an addict. Which, I don't blame her for. I mean, I wouldn't a kid like me around my baby, you know?" he rubbed the back of his neck,"Anyway, I thought about walking out. Leaving the restaurant and going home. It would've been easy. Probably could've hit up a few corners on the way, scored a little smack..."

"But, I didn't. I stayed. And, my dad's wife apologized for what she said. We agreed to start over-- a second chance. And ended up having a really nice time," Justin smiled at the recollection, "So... I guess my point is, uh, letting go? You know, as addicts, it's hard to let go. Of anything, really. So when I just let what she said go? I felt _great. _Better than getting high would've made me feel." he finished proudly.

There was a wave of applause across the room. Justin stepped down and sat back in his seat, scanning the room. Seeing all the people, recovered and recovering, Justin felt hopeful. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

**Clay**

I dont care dude

Read 2/9/20

Justin, emergency! Home now!


	11. The World Turned Upside Down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting the text from Clay, Justin runs home to see to a familiar face. What does this mean for him and his life with the Jensens?

Justin ran down the street with extreme speed. He just left the meeting, he didn't even tell anyone he was going, and started running. He was almost home, he thinks, but he isn't too sure how much longer he needs to run for. His shoes scraped the concrete sidewalks, stepping on the crunchy fallen tree leaves. Justin's vision was blurry and tunneled, his head pounded with each step he took, but he couldn't stop. He had to get home, and now.

Rounding the corner, he saw his home. There was an unfamiliar car parked out front. Clay was sitting on the steps with a pitying look on his face, Justin ignored him and quickly opened the front door and charged inside. He heard an argument and followed the noise.

What he saw next made him stop in his tracks.

"Mom?" he breathed. She was standing before him in the kitchen while Matt and Lainie had a tired and frustrated expressions on their faces,

"Justin," they said in unison, obviously shocked to see him home so early. Amber whipped around to face her son.

"Justy!" she exclaimed excitedly, eyes wide with glee, "Come here, baby!" she moved towards him with open arms and caught him in an embrace.

Justin stiffened, breathing hitched and panic in his eyes, he gasped and shoved her away.

Amber scoffed at him, "What the hell, kid?" she stared incredulously at him.

Justin just stared back, mouth gaping and lips trembling.

"Okay," Matt took charge, "Amber, you need to go." he stated firmly.

She turned to face him, "What?" she looked offended. Justin couldn't stand to hear her voice.

Lainie also stepped in, "He's right. You have to leave."

Amber waved them off, "I'm not leaving without my son," she turned back to Justin, "huh, baby? Get your things."

Matt and Lainie exchanged a glare before Lainie spoke up again, "He's not your son anymore, Amber."

While he knew, legally, that was true, it still hurt Justin to hear.

"Excuse me!?" Amber yelled wildly, "The fuck he isn't!"

"They're right," Justin sounded choked. He cleared his throat, "Legally. Your parental rights got terminated after you didn't show up in court. Three times."

She looked hurt, "Oh, Justy, baby..." she stepped closer to him, causing Justin to flinch backward. She scoffed and threw up her hands, "Fine. I'll go."

Amber collected her bag and stopped next to Justin, he was shaking slightly as she placed a kiss on his cheek. He didn't know why it freaked him out so much-- seeing his mom, but it did. He watched her go out of the kitchen and heard the front door close.

"Justin?" Lainie called.

"You okay, kid?" asked Matt.

He simply nodded but stayed put in his spot. Clay walked in after Amber left, he had a concerned expression as he looked at Justin.

"Hey, J?"

"Hm?" Justin looked up at him with glossy eyes.

Clay walked closer and handed Justin something, "Your mom told me to give you this,"

In his hands, Justin saw a ratty blue rabbit stuffed animal. It's left button eye was missing and its sewn-on nose was coming loose from the rest of its face. Justin left out a sound-- someone might've interpreted it as a laugh, but it was ugly, pained.

They all stared at him as he continued to let out his breathy laugh, "What is it?" Clay inquired.

Through his laughter, Justin tried to explain, "It's my rabbit. Ah, I uh, I had it when-- when I was a kid," he stopped laughing, "I can't believe she kept it..."

* * *

That night Justin tossed in bed. He wasn't usually this restless, he often time fell asleep as soon as his face hit the pillow. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He contemplated talking to Clay, but the time read 3:27, and he knew Clay would be pissed if he woke him up. Justin turned onto his side and spotted his rabbit on his nightstand. He smiled to himself and picked it up. He ran his fingers over the buttons, felt the stitching, remembered the countless times he would be held up underneath his bed clutching onto Rabbit while his mom and her boyfriend fought in the next room. He hugged it. Justin felt comfortable in that moment, but something was off. There was a rustling coming from inside the rabbit. He inspected it and found a tear in the backside, there was a piece of paper sticking out. He took it out and opened it:

_Justin, call me 307-895-1123_


	12. Justin, call me.

Justin flicked the paper tentatively between his fingers. Clay was asleep and there was only the light from the moon to shine on the three words that made his stomach do flips, _"Justin, call me."_. Shit, what was he supposed to do? Call her? Fat chance. What the fuck has his mother ever done for him? Leave him for days without food? Let her boyfriends hit him? Berate him? _Touch him? _No, his mother hadn't ever done anything good for him.

He almost ripped it up, almost, but something compelled him to keep it. He didn't know why, he thought he _wanted _to rip it up, but it just felt wrong. Instead, he crumpled the paper up and shoved it back where it came from. "What's that?" Clay's voice broke the silence Justin had been sitting in all night.

"Jesus, fuck!" Justin gasped, raising hands up suddenly, at the ready to defend himself if need be, "Fuck, Clay, you can't..." he breathed in and exhaled slowly, trying to gather himself, "You can't do that."

Clay scoffed, "Sor-ree, didn't know you were so sensitive." Justin felt annoyed, Clay said shit like that all the time. And he supposes he couldn't really blame the guy, Justin had put up a "front" for some time, but Clay knew him better now and he should know what makes him tick, right? Anyway, he quickly forgot his feeling as soon as Clay repeated himself, "What was that?

Shit.

"Uh," Justin stumbled, he couldn't say "nothing" because Clay know that's bullshit, but he couldn't _tell him _what was on the note... Could he? Surely Clay would think he was stupid for keeping it, and he didn't need to hear right now, so he lied, "It's a letter."

"A letter?"

"My mom wrote it to me. I guess she's trying to... Make peace? I don't know."

"Damn," Clay breathed, "Are... Are you okay?"

Justin nodded, "Yeah, I'm good."

Clay looked unsure but shrugged, "Get some sleep, I'm sure mom and dad are gonna wanna talk to you about your feelings and shit tomorrow. You need energy for that."

Justin laughed and agreed, "Yeah, sure. Thanks."

And Clay fell back asleep faster than Justin could. He tossed in bed, one half of his mind nagging at him to call mom, but the other half knew it was a bad idea. The back and forth went on for a long time until he was finally fed up. He snatched the rabbit toy and dialed the number on the paper, he quietly slipped outside, trying his best to not wake Clay. His heart went faster and faster as the line rang, and surprisingly, she picked up.

"Hello...?" Amber sounded groggy, like she had just woken up, but Justin knew she was most likely strung the fuck out on the couch with some guy of the month strung out next to her. Her voice made Justin's spine tingle, he couldn't manage to speak. After a minute of neither of them speaking, she spoke again, "... J-Justin? Baby?" she sounded... Hopeful. Like she couldn't believe he had called, and it broke his heart.

"Mom... Mommy," his voice broke, God he was an awful son. He knew it, why else would his mom sound like that? So hurt, and so tired? Clay's mom didn't sound like that, and it's because Clay's a good son, why else? 

"Justin... Awh, baby." she cooed slurringly into the phone, "Come home, honey, I miss you soooo much!"

He continued to let his tears fall as she continued to speak. He _knew _that she was _trying _to make him feel bad, he _knew it, _but he hated how sad she sounded, and all he wanted to do is make it better. He sniffled, "I-- I miss you too," another hiccup as he wiped his eyes, "I'll... I'll come home. Right now, if you want."

Amber lit up, "Yay! J-Baby, I can't wait!"

He felt something in the pit of his stomach but he hiccuped out a laugh, "Me too, I... I'll be there soon, I love you."

"I love you too," And she sounded sincere, she really did.

He silently slipped back inside and grabbed his bag. Justin always kept a bag packed and really to go in case something ever happened. When he was little, he always had one under his bed in case social services came knocking on the door to take Justin away again, or in case he had to make an emergency run to Bryce's house. But now... Justin just couldn't sleep well at night without knowing he had an escape plan ready. Justin didn't want to walk the however many miles back home, so he, regrettably, stole Clay's old bike. Well, maybe it wasn't really "stealing", seeing as Clay gave him permission to use it since Justin hadn't had his license yet, (Being on the street, drugs, jail, he just hadn't had the time to get it done yet), but it still felt wrong to take it. The sun was vaguely rising as he rode, and surprisingly all he could manage to think about was how fucking disappointed Matt and Lainie would be.

* * *

"He isn't here?" Clay asked as his parents loomed over his bed, arms crossed.

"No," Lainie stated flatly, "Your bike is gone, too. Clay, if you know where he is and you're hiding it, I swear--!"

"Okay," Matt interjected and put a hand on Lainie's arm calmingly, "Clay, you're not in trouble, okay? We're-- we're just worried. You really don't know where Justin is?"

Clay shook his head, "No. I swear, I don't."

Lainie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean to yell."

"I know."

"I need to make some calls," Lainie left the room, leaving only Matt and Clay there.

Matt sighed, "Just... He didn't tell you anything last night, right? Talk to you about his mom?"

Clay shook his head, the was still tired and tried to gather all of his thoughts, "No, no he... Wait," he sat up and looked around. His eyes darted until he spotted it, "The rabbit, the little toy his mom brought him, there was a note in it, a letter, he said."

Matt followed Clay's gaze and picked up the rabbit, "There isn't any note here,"

"Shit," Clay breathed, "He, he must've taken it with him."

"Did he say what was in it?"

"No, but I doubt it was any type of letter, it was too small."

"Alright," Matt rubbed his temple, "I'll go tell your mom."

Matt left and Clay jumped out of bed, he immediately went to Justin's bed and tried to search for his bag. Clay knew Justin had an emergency bag, he'd found it once before while looking for one of his comics. Clay thought it was stupid, Justin was safe here, why'd he feel the need to have a bag packed "just in case"? Regardless... The bag was gone, "Damn it, Justin." Clay picked up his phone and dialed for his brother. And it started ringing, from Justin's bedside table.

"Motherfucker."

* * *

Justin's house was the same. Cold, smelled like meth. Seth was gone though, which was good. Her new boyfriend was pretty fine, from what Justin could tell. He was nice enough to his mom, anyway. Justin sat in his old bed, with no sheets and no blanket, and he wondered why the fuck he was here. Like reality finally set in and he just left the most stable house he'd ever been to. Amber walked in as Justin was absorbed in his thoughts, "Hey, kid," she smiled.

"Hey," he said quietly, matching her smile with his.

And she continued to look at him with that smile plastered on.

"What," he laughed, "What is it?"

"Nothing... I just. I missed you, is all."

"I missed you too, really, mom."

Amber sat down next to him, "Good. I was beginning to think that you forgot about me."

Justin perched up, "Forget about you? No! Mom, how could I?"

She shrugged, "I dunno, I figured you liked them better, that boy's parents."

"Mom, don't say that," Justin was hurt, "I could never like them more than you, you're my mom!"

Amber smiled, "That's great to know, Justy. Hey, how about we make pancakes?"

Justin squinted, "We have shit for pancakes?"

"Well, we can. I can go get some... Or better yet we can go to that diner on Market? Hm? I know you like them there."

"Mom, are you sure? That place is really expensive, I--"

Amber scoffed, "J-Baby, don't worry about that, I got it. I _can _provide for you, you know."

Now he felt guilty for hurting her feelings, "No, no... I know, mom." and smiled meekly.

"Good," She hugged him, "Now, get dressed, I wanna get there before lunch."

And now, Justin thought that maybe she really _did _change. Hell, if she had the money for that diner on Market, maybe she was doing well, after all.

* * *

It's easy to forget the obvious answer in the midst of panic. Matt had to calm Lainie down enough to even suggest the idea that Justin was with his mom. After she realized that, that was the obvious place to look, she was pissed, "Matt, why would he go back there?"

"I don't... It's his mom, Lainie." Matt reminded.

"I know, I just... I don't get it!"

Clay heard them arguing for a while before they decided to go get him. At first, they wanted Clay to stay put while they went to go get Justin, but wasn't a fucking way Clay was going to let that happen, so he went too. And the car ride there was silent. A sort of angry silence that only his mother could muster up. And Clay wasn't sure if Lainie was mad at Justin, his mom, or Justin for leaving to be with his mom. But when they finally got to Amber's house, the angry silence turned into angry knocks. Lainie all but kicked the door down while Matt pleaded with her to calm down. But deep down both Clay and his dad knew she wasn't going to do that. After a couple bangs (sorry, "knocks"), a mam opened the door.

"What's the problem?" he asked with a deep tone.

"Where is Justin." Lainie demanded, not at all afraid of the man or his grim appearance.

"Who?"

"Amber's son. Justin."

Oh," the man exclaimed, "You mean Jacob? Think he and his mom went out for pancakes."

Lainie scoffed, "His name is Justin, and they aren't supposed to do that. Where'd they go?"

He shrugged, "Diner on Market, I think. And... I am pretty sure it's Jacob."

Before Lainie's blood boiled even more than it was, Matt thanked the man and closed the door. "Lainie, you have to calm down, hon."

"Calm down? Matt, I'm just trying to get our son back,"

Clay looked at her, but... He guessed he understood. Justin _was _nearly adopted, and he knew his parents cared for him... It was just... A lot to hear.

They went to the diner and immediately spotted Justin and his mom in the window. They were laughing, Justin was doing some wild expression with this his hands, and they looked happy. They paused, looking in on the mother and son it almost seemed vulgar to pull them apart, but everyone, on some level, knew how bad Amber was for Justin, and it's was better for this to happen now rather than later.

"Justin, time to go home, buddy," Matt greeted as the three walked inside.

"What the hell is this!" Amber exclaimed

"Matt, Lainie...?"

"Time to go," Lainie stretched out her hand. Justin looked to her, then back to his mom.

"N-No."

"... No?" The Jensens repeated together. Clay scoffed at this, but it was in more surprise than anything else.

"No, I wanna be here. With my mom."

"I'm sorry, Justin, but that isn't your choice--" Lainie tried to reason with him, tried to tell him.

"The fuck it isn't!"

"Justin!" Amber finally broke in, "Baby, calm down,"

"I- I don't wanna go, mom, I wanna stay. With you."

Clay grimaced, what was Justin doing? Just yesterday he didn't want his mom to touch him, now... "Justin, dude, come home."

"I _am_ home, Clay. _This _is my home, this is where I'm from, not _your _part of town with the-- the fucking plastic lawn gnomes and-- and the-- the _goddammed Priuses, _I... This is my home, man."

"I'm sorry," Lainie took a sharp breath in, "Justin, I am _sorry_ that you want to be here, I'm sorry you think you don't fit with us, but your mother doesn't legally have rights to you--"

"The fuck I don't have rights!"

By now the patrons at the diner were staring. Justin felt exposed, Clay felt exposed, everything felt so damn chaotic.

"You don't!" Matt stated, "_You don't have rights. _You had _three times _to earn those rights back, _three times! _And you couldn't even show up for it! Now, I'm _so sorry _that you feel entitled to Justin, but you're not. And if it were up to me? You would've lost your rights to him the moment you let him live on the streets."

There was a stunned silence from Amber. Hell, there was a stunned silence from everyone. If he's being honest, Justin was impressed. The next thing he felt was Matt's hand on his arm guiding him away from his mom. She was crying as she sat alone in the booth. Justin couldn't compel himself to speak, not now. He felt like if he were to speak, he'd start crying.

And the ride home was quiet. Not an angry silence, just quiet. Justin curled himself up, even though he knew he was supposed to be wearing his seatbelt-- he didn't care. 

At home, he plopped into bed, he didn't even take off his shoes.

And Clay was telling him something but he wasn't listening. Matt and Lainie came in too, but Justin just buried himself in the blankets.


	13. Chapter 13

In the morning Justin couldn't get out of bed. His body felt heavy and his head hurt. Clay tried to stir him awake, but that only resulted in angry grunts and a pillow to the face. Clay sighed and left, only to return with his parents. Justin... He couldn't deal with it right now. He didn't know what was wrong with him-- but he just couldn't deal with it. His were ringing, and Lainie was saying something in that _fucking awful _"sweet" tone of hers, and he knew she meant well, but it made him pissed off. And Matt tried too, and he put a soft hand on Justin's shoulder, but it was _too much. It was all too much._

"Fucking leave me alone!" Justin yelled and shoved Matt's hand away from him. The ringing in his ears stopped and he pushed himself up against the wall, breathing heavily.

"Hey," Matt said firmly. His tone was angry, it was soft, but he did want Justin to pay attention, "calm down. Calm down, it's okay, everything's fine."

And Justin calmed-- he was assured, a bit. And while logically he knew the Jensen would never throw him to the curb, he did fear it every time he did something out of line... Which he happened to do a lot. "Sorry," he breathed, "I'm, s-sorry."

"It's okay, honey, you're okay." Lainie smiled softly but there was something in her eyes... Justin couldn't quite place what it was. Maybe it was pity. 

After he had calmed down, Mr. and Mrs. Jensen guided their foster son into the kitchen. Clay had once said that they have more "family meetings" in there rather than actual meals, and Justin supposed that's right. And he should be used to it by now, after all, Justin was more subject to these "meetings" than Clay had been. Sometimes it made Justin feel bad- the number of times he'd overhear Matt and Lainie talking about him. And of course they always meant well, and they weren't shit-talking him or anything, but he did overhear them refer to these types of meetings as "Justin Time", so that was _great._

"What's the deal, kid?" Matt spoke first. Lainie shot him an annoyed sort of, "This isn't how we planned to start off this conversation" type look, but Justin appreciated how to-the-point Matt always was with Justin. Don't get him wrong, Justin loved Lainie, but the "official" way she had of speaking kind of made his head hurt.

"I don't know," And he wasn't lying. Justin really _didn't _know what was wrong with him. He was fine yesterday. Well, relatively speaking. His mom sort of did jar him, but his bout of... Whatever this is came on suddenly.

Lainie sighed, "No one is going to judge you here, Justin, we... We just wanna know what's wrong. We wanna help." she and Matt shared a reassuring smile, but Justin didn't feel anymore assured.

"_I don't know what's wrong." _his tone was low and it cracked slightly as a lump built itself up in his throat.

And then a silence fell on the room. So much so that Justin thought maybe they left. It wasn't until he actually looked up and saw them still standing there that he felt something. He was confused. He was confused because no one had ever _stayed _for him before. Well, no one since the Jensens. When he was a kid, and Justin would get like this, his mom would just scoff at him. She'd call him dramatic and then go off to wherever it was she went and leave him all alone.

But Matt and Lainie stayed with him. They sat there, well content in the silence, and would just wait for him to be ready enough to speak. It was fucking weird, and sometimes annoying, but Justin was grateful that they didn't leave him.

"I wanna know what's wrong," he looked to them with tears laced in his eyes and they nodded. They understood.

"We can set up an appointment with Dr. Laken, if you'd like us to," Lainie offered. Justin's agreed, "Yes, please."

He sniffled and wiped his eyes with his palms, "I'm sorry I freaked out on you earlier, Matt." he said meekly.

The man smiled, hardly had Justin called him by his first name, but no one was he going to make a big deal out of it... Well, not now, anyway, "No problem, Justin, I shouldn't have touched you so suddenly."

He sniffled again and nodded.

"Well," Matt lightly clapped his hands together, "You hungry?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt's go-to way of making things better is pancakes


	14. Chapter 14

Justin sat petulantly on the couch with his arms crossed. "Justin, quit sulking like a baby," Clay mocked, shoving his brother aside so he could sit.

"I'm not sulking," Justin said in a minor whine, "I just don't get why I can go out."

"Really?" Clay scoffed, "You don't get why you can't go out?"

Justin shifted and gave Clay a dull expression. Still, he went on, "Let's see, you... Snuck out, stole my bike, went with your mom, and argued with our parents when we tried to bring you back- What part are you having trouble getting?"

Justin again shifted, but not to strike up a fight with Clay, but he a little uncomfortable. Clay had said "our parents" so casually, without a second thought at all. Justin didn't deserve that. He shouldn't be in this family, he shouldn't live in this home, it was all too nice for someone like him. Too... Easy. Justin had learned that when things were easy, usually there was trouble nearby. Only this time, Justin was afraid he was trying to seek the trouble out. 

"Okay, okay," He threw up his hand, "But why are _you_ in charge?"

"I'm older." Clay stated smugly.

"By five months!"

"Still older."

"Whatever!" Justin snatched the bowl of popcorn that Clay had been holding out of his hands, "At least you don't burn the popcorn." He compromised.

Clay looked at his brother quizzically, "The fuck are you looking at?" Justin shot.

"Nothing," Clay stammered, "It's- I-," he sighed, "Are you okay? I mean, with after what happened this morning..."

_What happened this morning, _Justin thought, _You mean when I freaked out on your parents and almost bitch-slapped your dad?, _"Yeah, I... I don't know what that was,"

"You're not...?" Clay made a ridiculous motion with his hands trying to express shooting up heroin.

"God, Clay, no!"

He sighed relievedly, "Good, just checking."

"It's just," Justin rubbed his face and groaned slightly, "There's something fucking wrong with me and I don't know what it is or how to fix it."

Clay blinked, "Like...?" He once again raised his hand to his arm.

"I'm not doing drugs, Clay!"

"Okay! Sorry!"

Justin shook his head, "Fuck you," He stood up and set the bowl of popcorn back into Clay's lap, "I'm not talking to you about this." And he was necessarily mad at Clay, he was more annoyed. Shit, everything, and literally _everything _Justin did or felt or fucking _breathed, _was questioned with, "Are you high?". And he supposes he can't blame anyone other than himself, but he wished he had a little more trust.

"Justin, wait, I'm sorry!" Clay tried to follow the boy but Justin slammed their bedroom door before he could get in, "So I'm not allowed in my own room?" he yelled.

"Can't hear you!," Justin retorted, "Doing drugs!"

Clay sighed and trotted back to the living room, Justin felt an odd sense of something in his throat. Did he... Want to cry? For what? He was confused and he felt like how he did this morning. He wanted to crawl into bed and never leave, and that scared him.

His eyes felt full like they'd burst out of their sockets and his head was hurting so was his chest and he can't see now why can't he see his face was wet maybe he was crying and his throat and chest and head hurt so bad they hurt so bad he heart wasn't beating or it was beating too fast too fast for Justin to even feel it beating and he felt something on his shoulder and he wanted to push it away away and for it to be gone and he couldn

"--Justin!" Clay shook him again.

Finally out of state Justin looked up, "Cl-Clay...?"

"The fuck, dude??"

The fuck was right. Justin certainly didn't know what the fuck was up, he didn't even know there _was _something fucked up, "I don't- What happened?"

Clay scoffed, "You tell me, you screamed."

"I screamed?" _That doesn't sound like me, _He thought.

"Yeah, it doesn't."

_Did I say that outloud??_

"Jesus Christ, are you okay??"

Justin breathed harshly, "I don't fucking think so??" His voice was uneven and his chest still hurt.

Clay licked his lips and ran a hand through his hand as he paced back and forth, "Do I need to call mom? Or dad? Or a fucking doctor, or something??"

"NO!" Justin panicked, _fuck_ the last thing he needed right now was someone else hovering over him, "No, don't- don't call anyone, I'm fine."

"Fine?!" Clay's voice cracked, "Justin, you are not fucking fine right now, can you _see _yourself?"

He shook his head, "_I am fine, Clay."_ He isn't.

Clay took out his phone, "I'm sorry, man, I am, but I'm calling mom-" 

"No," Justin was surprised at how small he sounded, "Clay, please..."

His brother looked conflicted as he went from his phone to Justin, "I'm sorry," And with that, he left.

And Justin didn't go after him. He watched Clay leave into the hallway and call Lainie and he didn't try to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Deep down Justin knows this is best.
> 
> \- Next chapter we get some background


End file.
